Pre-birth Matching and Meeting

CUB opposes the practice found in some contemporary adoptions of the matching and meeting of pregnant women with potential adoptive parents. Ethical adoption practice allows a woman time to meet her baby and consider her new motherhood before she makes a life-altering decision with lasting consequences for everyone.

When the lives of the pregnant mother and the hopeful adoptive parents become intertwined prior to delivery, the potential for coercion occurs. The pregnant woman may feel a strong sense of obligation to make the prospective adoptive parents? dream come true. The additional factor of having met hopeful adoptive parents could cloud her decision-making ability and could lead to one of two outcomes: either she surrenders against her true wishes or she decides to parent and disappoints the hopeful adoptive parents.

Women who are considering surrender are in a vulnerable position and we must ensure that they are never pressured into relinquishing. Postponing an open adoption relationship until after the baby is delivered would be a small price to pay to ensure that no woman is ever again pressured into giving up her baby. Birthfamilies that honestly want and need an adoption to happen can form a relationship with adopting families later on. A woman who surrenders against her better judgment does not have the opportunity to go back in time.

A pregnant woman often has no real idea how she will feel about her motherhood until the baby arrives. When the powerful feelings of new motherhood occur, she may find that she has made a mistake. If she has already met with the waiting family, she may feel she has made too many verbal commitments to change her mind. Not wanting to hurt the people she has come to like or love, she may push aside her own feelings and stick with the plan.

CUB believes that adoption professionals must discourage any premature meetings between parents in crisis pregnancies and parents who wish to adopt.

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